Influences: The Hobbit, the Irish

And so it came to pass in the dragon's lair that Jeremy, filled with the excitement of theft and pride in his own surreptitiousness, did find himself full of the need to urinate. Upon the wall he made his mark, in much the same carefree and whimsical manner in which he had made his mark on the adventurer's contract those many months ago. Jeremy's release of the previous night's ale, mingling his gold with the dragon's more mineral gold, produced a sort of noise in the grand tradition of such occasions. Nominally an inconspicuous and comfortably familiar noise, it found much encouragement in the rock and various treasures, and was thus amplified until it was like unto the roar of a waterfall. This acoustic wonder bounced and gamboled down the cave and found refuge in the very ear of the dragon. As it crashed upon his mighty eardrums, it quite literally awoke the beast. A giant eye slid open, and a forked tongue flicked out in order to assist with the pronunciation of a bellowed phrase, "Who pisseth against mine wall and gold and other such trinkets as man, dwarf, and dragon findeth value in?!?" "Ended with a preposition," muttered Jeremy, glad to have done what he had just done, and filled with the relief that's in it. Then it struck him that grammatical concerns should occupy the smallest part of his mind, because, horrid as they are, the voice that had shouted the most recent grievance belonged to a serpent that would be more than glad to rend and devour Jeremy. This epiphany motivated Jeremy to make his exit post-haste, but his retreat was hindered by a sort of goblin battle-axe that had rudely attached itself most firmly to his trousers. "Oh ---," started Jeremy, but before he could manage a proper expletive, the dragon's large and indomitable jaws were about him, and he was robbed of any chance at a parting profanity.
The dragon found himself some manner of elvish sword with which to pick at the bits of Jeremy that stubbornly held to his yellowed teeth. "Marauders in this age lacketh class, methinks," thought the dragon as he drifted back into whatever savage dream world it is that dragons enjoy.